Dear Future Husband #12 -Love is looking beyond your flaws and extending grace and mercy towards you

Dear Future Husband,

How are you doing? Take all the time you need to answer that, no cliché answer, be true to your feelings and whatever your reply, it’s valid. Amidst the turbulence in the world, I’m praying you’re alright. Today, I’m mentally drained.

I’ve seen myself alternating between depression and mental fatigue. I remember telling a friend, I’m in a “happy depressed” phase, and he struggled to understand, I too find it difficult to explain how I can be both happy and depressed, maybe because I realize nobody is coming to save me, so I get to pick my silly ass self and push for just one more day. The world doesn’t need to know I tell myself and, truly, they don’t know.

I spent the day watching Nightbirde’s performance on AGT. It’s how much she kept shining her light even with a two per cent chance of survival and I draw strength from her. This is not supposed to be a sad letter, and I honestly can’t survive around melancholic energy.

Fun fact about me, I wanted to be an artist, 😂😂😂. This is so funny, I remember how much I wanted to participate in a musical competition, my favourite was Project Fame then, everyone knew about it, my friends and family. My voice was the problem, you would ban me from singing if you hear me sing. I’m not looking to sing professionally anymore, but I still sing unashamedly.

At that time, I also groomed my songwriting skills. It was a fun hobby for me. In one of my song, I described love as “love is just a word until someone comes along and give it a meaning”. Now I look back and laugh, laugh at my younger self for thinking love could only be if given, or, love only makes sense because someone outside of you gives it meaning.

I hear people say love is a verb, meaning it’s an action word and if you love someone, you’ll definitely show it. I don’t argue, but how well can you express it? My closest definition of love is God, and it’s not in the way you think.

Love is looking beyond your flaws and extending grace and mercy towards you.

Not a romantic meaning I know, but every day, I am reminded of God’s love. This love is firm and leaves no room for stupidity, but it is sincere and it is what I choose to adopt. When I tell you I love you, I mean I’ll look beyond your flaws and extend grace and mercy towards you. Love is forgiving without incubating vengeance.

Darling, at the end of the day, I don’t think love has a boxed meaning. Love can be anything you want it to be, you get to choose what definition you give to love, and I dare say they are all valid. Tomorrow, my perspective of love may expand beyond this and it’s okay.

With love,
Diseyi Philomena