Dear Future Husband #9
Dear Future Husband,
How are you doing, take a moment to answer that question, and I hope you’re doing good. Oh don’t worry about me, I’m fine, at least today.
Funny how I’ve been struggling to build consistency in some areas of my life, I remember my Duolingo streak I lost, and I’m pissed. After being consistent in learning French for 43 days, I lost it, I still feel bad even after a month. I’ve not gotten back to learning, hopefully soon, and this time, with a 300days goal in mind. This letter I started 3years ago, it’s obvious I’ve not been consistent. But I’ve been consistent in being single over the years, and I’m wondering where I got that superpower from.
I’ve been single for as long as I can remember, I don’t have a sad story to back that up contrary to what people think, it’s from a place of choice. Over time I’ve learnt and still learning to not confuse loneliness with love.
You see this is tricky for me, on days I feel lonely, seeking companionship not in a friend but in a romantic partner, and I catch myself getting uncontrollably attached to someone, I halt, and every time I question my feelings.
Now maybe I’m being too careful, too conscious. I don’t want to be alone, but I don’t want to abuse another human, it’s against my ethics. I’m currently at a crossroads. When people talk about their wonderful relationship, or a bad breakup, or love, or love, or love! I want to say I can relate, but, in reality, I can’t. This quote from James Clear letter, I think, clearly expresses my stand.
“Many of us seek community solely to escape the fear of being alone. Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving. When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape”.
I don’t want to be lonely, but, I want to be sure if I’m getting down with you, it’s from a place of commitment to loving you and not filling a lonely vacuum. Oh, and self-love, it’s underrated, I should practice that more, today and the rest of my life.
With love,
Diseyi Philomena
